Breast feeding in Public

https://sg.entertainment.yahoo.com/blogs/parenting/breastfeeding-campaign-posters-stir-online-controversy-190307806.html


The other day in my pilates class, a children dance class was going on in the next room. The teacher was stern and I could hear her instructing the kids passionately across the wall. When my class was over and I came out. There was this petite dancer , sitting on the bench, openly breast feeding her 1 yr old and shouting instructions to the fifteen 5 yr olds students in the classroom.Everything and everyone was normal. Nothing was out of place. Amazing. the more I see women in Kazakhstan, the more I am proud to know them and embrace their emancipated spirit.

Aktau - white city in a desert

Aktau - white city in a desert

A musical piece that I could not help sharing

Post by Samet Ece.

The Age Old story : SAHM vs WM

http://carolynee.net/a-letter-from-a-working-mother-to-a-stay-at-home-mother-and-vice-versa/


Generally, I don’t read the WM and SAHM stories because everyone is fighting their own battles. But the amazing response this letter has got has really made me sad. Although the letters are heartwarming, it’s really pathetic that we as women are so uncertain of who we are what we want. We need the world to endorse our presence and take note of our virtues in all walks of life. From body image, to dress choice, to parenting, to being a wife. I think if we as women stop judging people around us and start to endorse and appreciate our contribution in society it will be less tears for everyone. 

One of the comments (by Vicky) to the blog is something I can relate to is below. I thank the author for sharing these words

“have been both a SAHM and a working mother. I think women who obsess over this issue have no other life, either way, and are using their kids to define who they are, which is a really easy trap to fall into. I work full-time and I am not some harried woman desperately eating my lunch at my desk and skipping coffee breaks. I have my own life, and I did when I was a SAHM mom too. Kids are only young for a few years and then it’s full-time school, so I think it’s a waste of time to worry about this. It’s part of the package of having children, I’m sure we all knew that when we got ourselves into this. I have no guilt for having worked when they were little and enjoyed my time home with them. I don’t relate to either of these posts.”

Have a nice day.

Changing name (after Marriage)

A common dilemma for women: to change or not to change surname after marriage.  I have not changed my surname after marriage. Lot of people do, many don't. So what's in a name change?

Today i go about as Aditi Pal. I have my father's surname. It definitely has a patriarchal connotation. I am openly feminist. This is an obvious reason for not going for another name change, borrowing that of my husband. I  think I would have removed my dad's surname from my name entirely given a chance. 

A brief search on the web and Googling led me to several sites with information on surnames. In East India the research says, a surname dominantly implies ones' caste. This one is a no brainier.  And another negative for the socialist in me. But again on gentler note, caste has its roots in one's profession.  Like in the West, you will have a surnames like Goldsmith, Smith, Blacksmith. I wonder if I should change my name to Aditi Geologist. I think I should bury that thought in the past as it definitely sounds ridiculous.

Elders in the family often claim, that family is a unit and it should have a common surname. This one is a strong pretext for change.  But then, this has very strong patriarchal seeds, promoting gender preferences for male child, who is eligible to carry the family name. Frankly speaking, I don't know names of grandfathers and their fathers and many fathers before them ( same with the names of foremothers too. Fore-mother is not even a word). I wonder how many of you take the family tree that seriously. You will soon realise you are unable to trace surnames or names few hundred years ago. In this case , it can be interesting for very keen couples to acquire a new surname after marriage. This way the concept of family unit is honored without shaking the gene pool protected by the male ego.

The question still remains. So why change and why not. For me being the part of the former "why change" category, I did a lot of thinking. Its not that I need to be answerable to someone but having a reason for an opinion is a good thing in an inquisitive society. So this is what I came up with as my reason. The name at my birth is like an identity tag, like a bar code, an UID.  The name I learned to read and write with much effort when I joined school, responded to when my teachers called, name on my degree certificate or signed my first bank cheque.

The thought of a name change left me feeling half naked. Like exposed and vulnerable, having no pants on. The name is something we grow with, respond to, sign on documents, get known by, searched in social network by old friends. I really did not do this to achieve a socialist, feminist,  life changing brownie point. It was just me being me.

Although secretly I wanted to be a Roychowdhury, next life.....as soon as I am born. Thats what I will be "whatever" Roychowdhury.

Reference and fun facts:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names#India
http://meritalbliss.com/2012/02/6-things-not-to-say-to-married-women-who-kept-their-name/
http://www.hindustantimes.com/business-news/Features/Miss-to-Mrs-Seven-changes-you-need/Article1-813098.aspx
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2013/feb/06/changing-your-name-dos-and-donts
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9656482/Getting-married-is-simple-but-changing-your-name-is-a-bit-complicated.html
http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/weddings/is_changing_your_surname_after_marriage_right_for_you.php

Handshake

When you grab a hand to shake,if it shakes and wimpers, know for sure the person who owns the shake is not to be trusted. He is an insecure soul, maybe a sinner or a criminal waiting to be born. Such was a handshake and it took 6 yrs to turn from hand to claw. Some people have snake like (sletherenish) aptitude. They feel threatened by any footstep around them, baring their fangs, ready to bite even their friends. For this person the desire to amass power became so enormous, that he can even use his own family to harm others around him, playing the masterstrokes of manipulation.

I feel sorry for these poor souls, whose addiction to power and position, personal goals are so ugly. The "want" is the only palpable emotion running in their veins, easily knocking down the so called social relations of colleagues, friends, classmates.

RIP. Oneday the power drive will die and the man will stand in front of a mirror, facing his demons and staring at the hollow eyes, sans friends, sans family, sans love, sans trust, sans everything.

Generations 1976 to 2008

Stumbling on the 2 pictures sent a loving message to me, that which passes from grandparents to a child, a pure and pristine affection, that which gives us the essence of our roots. The first photo : me with didu, my favourite person with her unique fragrance, touch and blessing . Who lovingly called me Chandana, the singing bird. The lower picture is my Mom with my son, her gandchild Ayan, passing the fragrance, love, touch and blessing once again after 32 years. Something stays the same for generations, immortalised feelings and timeless love.