A common dilemma for women: to change or not to change surname after marriage. I have not changed my surname after marriage. Lot of people do, many don't. So what's in a name change?
Today i go about as Aditi Pal. I have my father's surname. It definitely has a patriarchal connotation. I am openly feminist. This is an obvious reason for not going for another name change, borrowing that of my husband. I think I would have removed my dad's surname from my name entirely given a chance.
A brief search on the web and Googling led me to several sites with information on surnames. In East India the research says, a surname dominantly implies ones' caste. This one is a no brainier. And another negative for the socialist in me. But again on gentler note, caste has its roots in one's profession. Like in the West, you will have a surnames like Goldsmith, Smith, Blacksmith. I wonder if I should change my name to Aditi Geologist. I think I should bury that thought in the past as it definitely sounds ridiculous.
Elders in the family often claim, that family is a unit and it should have a common surname. This one is a strong pretext for change. But then, this has very strong patriarchal seeds, promoting gender preferences for male child, who is eligible to carry the family name. Frankly speaking, I don't know names of grandfathers and their fathers and many fathers before them ( same with the names of foremothers too. Fore-mother is not even a word). I wonder how many of you take the family tree that seriously. You will soon realise you are unable to trace surnames or names few hundred years ago. In this case , it can be interesting for very keen couples to acquire a new surname after marriage. This way the concept of family unit is honored without shaking the gene pool protected by the male ego.
The question still remains. So why change and why not. For me being the part of the former "why change" category, I did a lot of thinking. Its not that I need to be answerable to someone but having a reason for an opinion is a good thing in an inquisitive society. So this is what I came up with as my reason. The name at my birth is like an identity tag, like a bar code, an UID. The name I learned to read and write with much effort when I joined school, responded to when my teachers called, name on my degree certificate or signed my first bank cheque.
The thought of a name change left me feeling half naked. Like exposed and vulnerable, having no pants on. The name is something we grow with, respond to, sign on documents, get known by, searched in social network by old friends. I really did not do this to achieve a socialist, feminist, life changing brownie point. It was just me being me.
Although secretly I wanted to be a Roychowdhury, next life.....as soon as I am born. Thats what I will be "whatever" Roychowdhury.
Reference and fun facts:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names#India
http://meritalbliss.com/2012/02/6-things-not-to-say-to-married-women-who-kept-their-name/
http://www.hindustantimes.com/business-news/Features/Miss-to-Mrs-Seven-changes-you-need/Article1-813098.aspx
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2013/feb/06/changing-your-name-dos-and-donts
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9656482/Getting-married-is-simple-but-changing-your-name-is-a-bit-complicated.html
http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/weddings/is_changing_your_surname_after_marriage_right_for_you.php
Today i go about as Aditi Pal. I have my father's surname. It definitely has a patriarchal connotation. I am openly feminist. This is an obvious reason for not going for another name change, borrowing that of my husband. I think I would have removed my dad's surname from my name entirely given a chance.
A brief search on the web and Googling led me to several sites with information on surnames. In East India the research says, a surname dominantly implies ones' caste. This one is a no brainier. And another negative for the socialist in me. But again on gentler note, caste has its roots in one's profession. Like in the West, you will have a surnames like Goldsmith, Smith, Blacksmith. I wonder if I should change my name to Aditi Geologist. I think I should bury that thought in the past as it definitely sounds ridiculous.
Elders in the family often claim, that family is a unit and it should have a common surname. This one is a strong pretext for change. But then, this has very strong patriarchal seeds, promoting gender preferences for male child, who is eligible to carry the family name. Frankly speaking, I don't know names of grandfathers and their fathers and many fathers before them ( same with the names of foremothers too. Fore-mother is not even a word). I wonder how many of you take the family tree that seriously. You will soon realise you are unable to trace surnames or names few hundred years ago. In this case , it can be interesting for very keen couples to acquire a new surname after marriage. This way the concept of family unit is honored without shaking the gene pool protected by the male ego.
The question still remains. So why change and why not. For me being the part of the former "why change" category, I did a lot of thinking. Its not that I need to be answerable to someone but having a reason for an opinion is a good thing in an inquisitive society. So this is what I came up with as my reason. The name at my birth is like an identity tag, like a bar code, an UID. The name I learned to read and write with much effort when I joined school, responded to when my teachers called, name on my degree certificate or signed my first bank cheque.
The thought of a name change left me feeling half naked. Like exposed and vulnerable, having no pants on. The name is something we grow with, respond to, sign on documents, get known by, searched in social network by old friends. I really did not do this to achieve a socialist, feminist, life changing brownie point. It was just me being me.
Although secretly I wanted to be a Roychowdhury, next life.....as soon as I am born. Thats what I will be "whatever" Roychowdhury.
Reference and fun facts:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Married_and_maiden_names#India
http://meritalbliss.com/2012/02/6-things-not-to-say-to-married-women-who-kept-their-name/
http://www.hindustantimes.com/business-news/Features/Miss-to-Mrs-Seven-changes-you-need/Article1-813098.aspx
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2013/feb/06/changing-your-name-dos-and-donts
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/womens-life/9656482/Getting-married-is-simple-but-changing-your-name-is-a-bit-complicated.html
http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships/weddings/is_changing_your_surname_after_marriage_right_for_you.php
No comments:
Post a Comment