Motherhood

The ultra sounds are more convincing now, after 18 weeks. The picture is more real and believable. His heart beat is strong and his will to be born is getting stronger every minute.

It took quite some time staring at the black and white specks on the screen, following the somber tone of the doctor to grasp the fact that something is there, something with life, well, its actually someone. He was yawing and turning, blissfully enjoying the most serene and peaceful time of his life. I did not have the usual teary eyed response though. I was too amazed to react normally. I just let the overwhelming feeling sink in.

The truth is I am nurturing a life form and it feels like such a normal thing to do. The fact is that a biological program was running in my genes and I was not aware about it. All these years, I felt this futile paranoia of not being ready for a baby, denying the responsibility of a child. Mother Nature had her plans. She prepared me from within, since the time when I was 18 weeks in my mother's womb, it was decided that it will be my turn one day, to accommodate a new visitor and help it come to the world.

Happy motherhood to me. I just have to keep the faith alive that the program in my genes will keep running and my maternal instinct will tell me what to do. As of now I am pretty clueless about what needs to be done. It is one aspect of my life that I cannot plan; I do not control.